The View From Kalamazoo

Chest press up 2 lbs., leg extension up 3 lbs., Olga upped military press 1 lb. last time. (don’t laugh!) SoBuff moi managed one set with the dumbells (same weight as last time) for biceps then an additional set with a 12 lb. pair-o-luv. Triceps we did individually today – weight set at 30 lbs. My left side was stronger than my right – Olga had to lay her hand on the weights to give that side a little added resistance. Hm. All of these 20 lbs. curls I’ve been doing with The Little Prince must be worth something! Two sets on each side. Did one set of (15) crunches on Big Wiggly Ball, 2 on the mat, with the weighted ball – which I found out is called a MEDICINE BALL. I just don’t know the lingo. Medicine my ass – it’s like the medicine that requires a spoonful of sugar to get it down, right? We think it’s around 7 lbs., but the numbers are worn off, so that’s just a guess. 15 minutes of cardio – took Olga’s advice and am now setting the speed of the belt up and down at intervals to tucker my Happy Fat Ass out something proper. Despite not doing cunches last night – today’s weight – 276.2. I have decided to not do crunches after 10:30pm or I’m up all damn night. Olga suggested that if the clock shows it’s too late for crunches (I turn into a pumpkin?) I should just get down on the floor and do some relaxing stretching (same stretches we do after The Routine). Now let’s see me get *off* of the floor, after! 😉

Am substituting out of sheer, killer, screaming boredom with low fat deli meat – pita and hummus today for lunch. OOoohhh. So Not Turkey. Considering my journey on the S.S. Bloat and today’s massive, gnawing, munchiehunger I figure I’m in for it any day now. *sigh* These munchies are miserable, let me tell you. I’m practically chewing my nails (but with my luck the polish would be high cal.!)
I fear I may be driven to be Naughty.
Not Good.

More on da boob:

The Real Simple magazine August 2003 issue features a list of “20 Rules to Break Now” – things not worth the time or effort. Hey, I want to simplify my life as much as the next person, but one of the things they suggest stopping is *breastfeeding your child*. Wha?!? This is included along with trivialities like ‘not swallowing your gum’ – so now breastfeeding is a waste of my time?!?

They support their inclusion of breastfeeding (on the list) with quotes from a Dr. Petrikovsky. So, then, one might wonder what’s up with this doc making a claim contrary to what the American Academy of Pediactrics suggests? Weee-all…Dr. Petrikovsky’s CV reveals that he had a Mead Johnson Traveling Fellowship. Important why? Mead Johnson are the makers of Infamil and other baby formulas.
Hmmm…

This site describes a letter writing campaign happening so that the editors of the magazine hear, loud and clear (in a ‘real simple’ way. muahaha), that their ‘Rules to Break’ has broken a biggie: NO LYING. Gads.

[And I am not saying that formula feeding is bad (Emma was largely a formula baby), nor that every mother doesn’t have the right to make her own choice.]

So I was Very Good and did my crunches (4 sets of 15) both Sat. night and last night. [Note to self: do not do crunches too late at night, as the resulting endorphins will keep your happy fat ass up half the night.] So neither bright-eyed NOR bushy-tailed did I schlep into the gym this morning. Did my normal (now) routine (weights, crunches, stretching, cardio). Olga upped my leg curl and lat pull down 2 lbs., increased the triceps to 60 lbs. Do you know she chuckles when I say a particular set hurt? Evil! Eeeeeev-iil! [Where are Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy when I need them?) Today’s crunches on Big Wiggly Ball were first with my friend Ball on Big Metal Pole and then more sets with his kith and kin the, much heavier, Weighted Ball. (which is very, very different than Happy Fun Ball, although I do not think you should taunt either of them.) Oh not fun, SO not fun. BUT! (butt?) Today’s weight – 277.2!

And I now have a Live Journal for all things random, mildly embarassing, and not MFA. It seemed a cleaner way to go about tracking things HERE, yet still rambling on about nothing and nonsense THERE, somehow.

Flights of fancy:

I SO don’t want to be their best friend!

I have co-workers who are political in both directions. I feel like this most of the time.

Olga gave me a compliment today. She says she can always count on me to finish my set no matter how much she ups the weight without needing her help and without quitting part-way through. Apparently it’s pretty unusual, and she has worked with some individuals who were really quick to give up during workouts, not follow The Menu, and then wonder why the program didn’t seem to be working for them. I can’t say that I haven’t been tempted to be naughty on this restrictive a plan, let me tell you. I don’t like feeling hungry after I’ve eaten a meal, I am getting sick of cooking multiple meals in the evenings…but I don’t slack off during my workouts, not only is it a pride thing at that point, but I’m spending a hell of a lot of money for this and I can’t afford for it to be a total flush. Anyway, today a few weights went up – Leg extention- 58 lbs. Chest press- 68 lbs. Lat pull down- 78 lbs. Dumbell biceps with both arms together (as opposed to focusing on each separately) today, still 10 lbs but after my regular slow set I did another 10 at ‘regular’ speed. Same with triceps, but with an added 20 at the end at ‘regular’ speed. Olga has promised to up my tricep weight next week. I get all warm and fuzzy just *thinking* about it. Same crunches as Wed., plus same cardio. If I wasn’t so concerned with getting to work I’d do a longer cardio set, but…And I just can’t manage my schedule to allow me to do it on off days (hell, it’s hard enough to get my crunches at home in much less actually getting to the gym). No crunches last night – Emma issues that took me to the point of exauhstion and past bedtime. Today’s weight 279.1 *snarl* – I make it through a plateau to encounter the joys of the monthly bloat. Greeaaat. Olga isn’t concerned, since it’s totally normal and expected…but since I haven’t had to deal with my moontime for over a year and a half *I* am feeling a tad piqued.

I’m including this in the spirit of ‘You’ve GOT to be kidding me!’

Ok, I’ve fed Colin in restaurants, including Taco Bell, numerous times. It’s not that hard to be discreet, I don’t even know that anyone even noticed what was going on most of the times I’ve needed to feed him, much less saw anything interesting. I’ve often wondered what I would say if approached (ok, whether I’d be calm and firm and unwavering or pissy and cussing and unwavering. heh) but have never had a problem (except for my Dad, who got very embarassed one evening at Red, Hot, and Blue when Colin was a few weeks old. Not that it stopped me…I have a belligerent streak). I have a small collection of (“magic”) nursing shirts, and nursing bras, and can manage just fine. Even without a magic shirt on I don’t show much of anything beyond my usually-hidden below-beltline pooch.

The only incredibly bad thing about trying to nurse while out for dinner is booths.

No crunches last night. The Little Prince, AKA clingy-whining-baby, threw enough of a fit when I tried to occupy him with his swing and some toys that I just gave up on the idea. He doesn’t see me all day, then I dare think I can just put him down and ignore him for 10 whole minutes. Silly me.

Today we did the usual stuff, plus dumbell biceps (10 lbs with added resistance by the ever-cheerful, ever-sadistic Olga) and triceps with one of the pully contraptions (50 lbs). Military press up to 35 lbs. You know, I have done a lot of work on witchcraft, inquisition, the sort of torture used by them to elicit confessions…and I have to say that this device looked way too much like the sorts of things found in Hexenhausen. Strappado ain’t got nothing on this bad boy, no sir. Crunches – 3 sets of 20 on Big Wiggly Ball that was a tad too wiggly today – I lost my footing at one point and almost fell over. Ach, as if I have dignity left to damage! Pshaw! I followed the stretching with a bit of cardio – 12 minutes briskly walking on the treadmill whilst suffering the sadistic agony of watching Emeril make a blueberry tart on the Today show. “Oh yeah, baby!”

So…I’m not on a serious voyage of self-discovery, here (if I am, it ain’t no Love Boat…maybe Pirates of the Caribbean. Gilligan’s Island?), but I have tried to notice when I find it harder, or exceptionally annoying, to stick to The Menu. I find it much easier to stay on-track when I’m not stressed (easier said than done, but I’m taking B1 at night with my extra potassium) and I’m really trying to manage my hypoglycemia better than my usual off-hand, can’t-be-bothered strategy for poor health. My inner pride beast (can’t go wrong with one of the 7 deadlies!), however, rears periodically and demands to know *why* I can’t just eat like a normal person and have another helping of broccoli if I’m still hungry. That’s becoming more of my issue – if I can re-train my inner control freak to focus on controlling in ways I *want* (and, frankly, *need*) rather than undermining me by wanting to cut off my nose to spite my face, so to speak, then I think this might be more do-able than I originally thought. I’ve tried a lot of things to lose weight that screwed up my metabolism, my knees, my self-esteem, and encouraged my self-undermining to kick in stronger and earlier with each new attempt – it would be darn nice if I could make one work *for* me instead of *against* me for a change. Today’s weight 277.7. The Very Annoying Plateau is now behind me – yay! (or, as Emeril would say, BAM!)

Yes, crunches last night. 3 sets of 20. All whilst my spoiled little boy was fussing because I set him down…*sigh* At least I got them in: I spent ALL DAY Sat. working on Emma’s room, AKA shit pit (got the image I was going for, there?), and was just too damn tired and stressed to do them after. The time we spent finishing and mopping Sun. wasn’t as bad (ie: crabby and whiney), so I got them in – next weekend will be the great Organize the Crap or Pitch It campaign. Extra B1 for me, thanks, and a side of valium. I think she should ask Santa for a shovel this year.

Today. Today, today. Yes, we’re traversing on a plateau of depth and breadth. Oh yes. So I’m now adding cardio after my weight training (today is was treadmill. note to self – must remember headphones. I don’t read lips) and I’ll get in a little CNN at the same time. Between the gym time and the anal-careful shopping time and the reading my The Menu binder time and the prepping the food to the nth degree of detail as The Menu dictates time I’m pretty much out of time for anything else. It’s pretty sad when the laundry is ‘me’ time. My right shoulder hurt all weekend (since the Fri. workout) and that made me exceptionally cranky. It is, however, gratifying to be exceptional at *something*.

Of course, mere pain doesn’t halt progress, especially when we’ve a plateau to overcome. (did that sound snarky? good. my 800mg of ibuprofen must be wearing off) So! Weights went up again, this time by 5 lbs: Leg extention- 55 lbs. Seated leg curl- 85 lbs. Chest press- 65 lbs. Lat pull down- 75 lbs. Military press- still 30 lbs (that’s the one that only went up *5 lbs* last time. I’m weak like a girl.) I’ve been promised bicep and tricep hell on Wed. I’ll have to bring confetti, it’ll be quite the party.

Crunches on Big Wiggly Ball, again. Friday we did 3 sets of 20 forward, and 3 sets of backward. Today we did 4 sets of 10 forward and 2 back, but with the added joy of holding a Ball on a Big Metal Pole out in front of me while crunching (no, there are no pictures, you vultures). *That* did a lot for my already pathetic balance, let me tell you, not to mention the comfort of extanding my arms out and annoying the hell out of my already annoyed shoulder. Only good news is that the leg work didn’t hurt my shoulder, at least, since…EVERYTHING ELSE DID (including the *stretching* for godssake. no pain no gain my ass – pain makes Lisa a seriously pissy critter to deal with. gain *that* mutherphuckers). Today’s weight 279.1, and Olga’s officially out of my will. 🙁

(and I’m looking forward to week *two* of squashed toes at work, to add insult to injury. greeaaaat. pain + disappointment in the plateau + that unnecessary gar-bahge will seriously try my ability to grin and bear it. THIS is what those Snickers commercials are referring to-cosmic dissatisfaction calls for chocolate and peanuts. bleah. when’s my vacation, again?)