The View From Kalamazoo

w00t!!!

The Warburg Institute Digital Collections: Bibliotheca Astrologica Latina Numerica

(This is a list of the digitized editions, from this link)

FAH 820 , Astrology Abû Ma’shar Flores, Venice, Johannes Baptista Sessa, 1488

FAH 765 , Astrology Zael De electionibus, Venice, Petrus Liechtenstein, 1509

FAH 750 , Astrology Umar Ibn al-Farrukhân al-Tabarî De nativitatibus secundum Omar, Basel, Iohannes Hervagius, 1533

FAH 750 , Astrology Massahallah Messahallach de ratione circuli et stellarum, et qualiter operantur in hoc seculo, Basel, Iohannes Hervagius, 1533

FAH 750 , Astrology Unknown Almansoris astrologi propositiones, ad Saracenorum regem, Basel, Iohannes Hervagius, 1533

FAH 750 , Astrology Bethem Centiloquium, Basel, Iohannes Hervagius, 1533

FAH 750 , Astrology Bethem De Horis planetarum, Basel, Iohannes Hervagius, 1533

FAH 1980 , Astrology Natura et effetti della luna nelle cose humane passando per I XII. Segni del Cielo, Venice, Publisher unknown, 1540 c.

Over the past 10 days or so there has been a flurry activity on the subject of academic blog – anonymous v. non-anonymous. I’ve been reading a lot of comments on a lot of blogs, and digesting. After all that (and taking Tums) I think I’m ready to throw my two cents in.

I don’t think it needs saying that this is not an anonymous blog, has never been, had no intention of being. It’s not broadcast to the world – but you can find it if you google me. (which begs the question “Who the hell would google me??!!?” but lest I get sidetracked, and since my normal operating environment is made up of ‘we’ll save all questions til the end’…we’ll save this one til the end, too.)

This will be important to remember later.

Also, despite the snappy title, I don’t consider this a blog about academia..about any one thing in particular, really. It’s flotsam, it’s jetsam, it’s toast with jam.

At leuschke.org; the questions posed boil down to: academic blogs – why so many anonymous? why the drive to anonymity? might I suffer due to the existence of my blog? The answers to the first two, form the many comments, varied…and the answer to the final seemed to be yes, no, and maybe. The conversation following has been really good stuff – some of the best I’ve read since the departure of IA, I think. I haven’t commented there (anywhere, for that matter), but fortunately a lot of other have. Maybe I worry I have nothing important to add, or maybe I worry I do.

I’ll begin at the beginning (as Leuschke also cited) – this opener at Bitch. Ph.D:

“Which brings me to the question: why an anonymous blog? Well, because, like all academic types, I am paranoid. I am certain that everyone out there is as disorganized and lazy as I am, and I know that my own geographic discontent and frequent doubt as to whether I really want to be doing this are pretty common as well. But, as someone else once said, “I am busy trying to be the person my department and I have agreed to pretend I realy am,” so I want a space to try to figure it out (geographic discontent means leaving your therapist behind) without having to worry about adding “indiscreet and self-sabotaging” to “lazy and disorganized” as self-descriptors. Of course, by pretending, in real life, to be a person that I think no one really is I merely substitute “hypocritical” for “self-sabotaging.” Well, don’t we all.”

For space, I guess I’ll just jump through a few of the good points made in the discussion – read the whole thing, it’s really remarkable.

G writes “Thinking about what I wrote above [“As my friend Rex likes to say, the web is world-readable, and has to be treated as such. This site is the top google result for my last name, and has been for at least two years. Even if I erased some of the more embarrassing bits of the archives, they’d still be cached by archive.org. I’ve gotten used to that, and it does restrict what I say here, but I don’t think I really feel that as a burden. ” included for reader’s convenience, EMC], it may sound perilously similar to someone discounting the PATRIOT act because they’re not a terrorist, what do they care if terrorists have their rights curtailed? Or, more succinctly, if blogs are outlawed then only outlaws will have blogs. To clarify: I’m very interested in people’s perceived drawbacks of having their names attached to their blogs, and also in to what extent those drawbacks are actual, or upheld by experience. I’m very uncomfortable with the idea that such reasons might exist: first, I don’t want to get sucker-punched (it’s all about me), but second, I’m deeply opposed to my workplace telling me what to do in my spare time. Second, I want to mention that non-anonymity (nymity?) here has brought me unexpected dividends. Just last week I reconnected with a friend from grade school who I haven’t seen in nearly 20 years, all because of this blog. That’s highly cool.”

This may be a large part of the pit in my gut when I think about this issue. I resent the implication that I have to be “on” all of the time – sometimes I would just like to be me and I shouldn’t have to worry that part of being me is web-based and blathering on. Should I avoid other public places and public spaces? Faculty and staff here regularly demonstrate downtown against the war in Iraq – is that not a public venue? Are their opinions and their speech more protected than mine, here? (and I’ve had the same unexpected and pleasant re-connections pop up because of this blog with friends from high school and in my undergrad days, but that’s neither here nor there.) The advice my husband gave me, in regards to my concern about whether (inexplicably) my blog could harm me, was “Fuck ’em!”

Rana commented “I will also admit a bit of vanity in keeping myself pseudonymous; when I blog about being rejected by academia, it’s nice not having people going through what I’ve published and what I’ve taught and making assumptions about my “failure” to obtain a t-t job (the kind of speculation about inadequate credentials that poor Invisible Adjunct went through is an excellent example of what I’d like to avoid). Similarly, a lot of what I write on my blog is “fluffy” or occasionally poorly thought through; if I had to hold my posts to the high standards I set for my professional writings, a lot of the fun would be sucked out of it.”

Well, my CV is up for anyone to see, and some papers I had written lo those many years ago (which I had put up briefly close to 10 years ago, and which haven’t been linked since not-that-long after they were up) are still floating around the web. I google myself and find nearly all of those I had up, in fact. I’m listed as a source in some syllabi/bibs/etc.. I’ve found online, and that’s pretty darn cool, and all…but would the quality of writing of my undergraduate thesis, comparing with the years since I’ve had to polish (and, I like to think, mature) hurt me now? Dunno…

Tim Burke said “I feel able to be completely honest on my own non-anonymous blog but at the same time, I admit that its non-anonymity means that there are some things which are interesting to me, that I think about, which relate to academia, which I do NOT feel I can talk about. Most of those it would be self-indulgent to talk about in the first place, and so the world need feel no sadness at being denied such petty self-absorption, but there are probably a few issues which would be interesting to a wider audience that I can’t talk about in a non-anonymous context. But at the same time, I don’t feel any less honest, forthright or self-confessional simply because the world knows it is me. Now keep in mind, I also have tenure, so that’s a big qualifier. Also keep in mind one of the oddest things of all that I’ve discovered along the way, which is that a) just about no one in my field appears to read weblogs, let alone mine*I have maybe three friends in my own disciplinary specialization who have mentioned reading it and b) virtually none of my local colleagues read it, either. So there is also a kind of hiding-in-plain-sight thing that’s interesting to me, and might allay some people’s fears. But maybe I’m atypical: I wonder whether other non-anonymous academic webloggers find that their local institutional colleagues are aware of what they’re saying and doing?”

I think he hit the nail right on the head – TENURE. Everyone else is running like cockroaches from the light. And I thought similar things about my field and weblogs – most of them were other grad students – but I was wrong. I go into details farther down…

This other comment was great, long, and it’s all here;. Blockquoting that is a space issue in this already-too-long-entry. And so

Bitch, Ph.D. responded to another comment with “This question of intellectual courage is precisely what I was trying to talk about a few posts back on my own blog (and my comment here). I think I am groping my way towards an argument that intellectual courage needn’t necessarily mean putting your name to your statements: some of the stuff I am writing about (a lot of it actually) takes courage just to write, and that is why I put it out there. If it were attached to my own personal, easily googleable, very unique name, that might make it more, not less, courageous in the sense that it would then just be freaky or grumpy or bitchy me saying these things. If the speaker is anonymous, it could be anyone, which raises the question of whether these specific things*sex, procrastination, second-guessing, whatever*really are just me or whether, as I am trying to say, they are actually pretty common. Generalizable.”

This makes sense, and I think it’s part of why Invisible Adjunct was such a powerful force. My question is, however, whether those of us without that sort of purpose in blogging, without specific goals of posting things of courage or controversy (I would argue that mine, for example, has had neither. If I’m wrong, please comment and correct me.) should have to worry. I’m not using my non-anonymity as a tool for anything – but, still, Should I be paranoid? And, Why?

I’ll stop – but as I said, read the comments. There is a lot more I haven’t referred to here, good and meaty stuff. Also, lots of trackbacks to blogs responding in their own venues listed there I won’t list here. Some good comments jumping off this thread by Rana at Frogs and Ravens – “… I think it demonstrates is the profound degree to which I’ve absorbed the rhetoric of self-determination. That is, I’ve been firmly socialized into the belief that all success or failure can be attributed ultimately to personal effort and worth. Paradoxically, given that my training and education makes it easy for me to see structural forces at work in other people’s lives, grad school and academia in general serve to reinforce that belief.” Yeah, I get that one. It’s with me when I lay in bed at night trying to fall asleep, it stares me in the face when I wake in the morning. No, I don’t think this makes me a head case – just very successfully socialized. Go me. Yay.

So here is where we come to the question and answer period. I’ll try to answer the question at the top, and tack on ‘Why is this such a sore spot?’, ‘What do you think about it?’ and the less-existential-than-you-think ‘What the heck are you going to do, now?’

This past fall I applied for Ph.D. programs. Like every other example of this process I threw nearly all of my time, energy, money (that’s isn’t an exaggeration, either), and emotional wherewithal into it. I’d been done with my M.A. for somewhat over a year, at that point, and my over-riding attitude was ‘it’s time to shit or get off the pot’. More than an attitude, it was a gut feeling. It’s now, and if not now, soon. Or never. I don’t think anything in this paragraph deviates much from the majority of others also playing application bingo.

So in addition to complaining about the gym (who doesn’t?), running commentary on the ways having a kid with ADHD means I have a whole set of different relationships with her school and teacher, pediatrician, my insurance, and attention to new findings, studies, and information from drug manufacturers than most other parents I know I blogged here and there about the other large, looming thing in my life: applying. I never considered any of this particularly interesting, certainly not the least bit controversial, and since I mostly try to stay away from those subjects one does not bring up in polite situations I never thought much about it. People who want politics can love, or hate, my husband but they shouldn’t expect anything juicy from me (as long as the assumption isn’t made that he always agrees with me or I always agree with him it’s all good).

As I said, I have never stood on the highest peak and shouted my URL to the world. It’s linked to my page and husband’s area…some friends were occasional readers..but, let’s face it, I’m boring and inconsequential. The fact that it immediately comes up when you google me was never a worry since who the hell would google me, anyway? I’m afraid I can’t answer that question completely, but wish I could. Preliminary answer: more than you’d ever imagine, no one you’d expect, and maybe more than you want to know. And why? I can’t fathom.

So, jumping to the end, I’m going no where this fall. The economy crapping out meant that both more people were applying to go to grad school than usual and more schools had less money than usual. I got my share of rejections (and then some), but difficult as they were (as they are for any applicant) to open and read…the heart-breaker was getting accepted to a program I really, really liked but who, due to a new governor and budget cuts and the same sort of frightening scenarios I was already experiencing at the institution I work for, was utterly, utterly unable to offer me funding. Very sad and frustrating since I can’t very well move my family to a new city and state many hours away with nothing to offer but economic risk. So I deferred…hard to hold out hope that it will all turn around in a year, but a shred of optimism is, at least, better than nothing at all. I wallowed, I carped, I asked a variety of folks I know for advice and I moved on like any other applicant in a similar situation would.

Why am I laying all of this embarrassment bare again? Well at some point last winter I heard, from a friend at Unnamed Private University that she knew a few of the grad students in the department I applied to (a school which, note, did not accept me) were reading my blog. I found it curious, a little odd – but I’d visited the place when I was busy making decisions on schools to apply and met with a few who might remember me. Subsequently I hear that ‘all the students’ (all?!), ‘some faculty’ and finally, ‘the whole department’ (WTF?) are regular readers. Advice passed through the grapevine seems to suggest that this blog, somehow (I don’t know specifically what it was, and can’t figure out what it could possibly be, frankly) did me harm and if I re-apply there and elsewhere this coming fall I should take it down completely for those, roughly, 6 months of the application season.

So when Leuschke asks “Is there a plausible reason to think that I, as an untenured professor in a new gig, could suffer from the existence of this here .org?” my answer is – Plausible? yes. Reasonable, appropriate, professional, no, but plausible…I couldn’t have imagined it. I still can’t quite believe it, on some level. But yes, plausible. I hope the caveat that follows for you is ‘but not likely’, but that’s what I would have thought if someone had brought this subject up last fall. I’m a medievalist, for cripes’sake. I know a whole host of medievalists who barely manage email attachments, and most of the rest web surf, maybe, but blogs? Nah. And the other side of the coin is medievalists who blog under their own name plain as day (like Michael Drout). Tim Burke, looking at the field of history in a much wider sense, is a busy blogger. I still suffer from some disbelief, as I said. Or maybe it’s disappointment that the question even needed be raised.

I don’t blame the messenger – I don’t know who to blame. It, more so than any other good reason or good advice I’ve gotten why I don’t want to go into academia and the horrors that will follow (even Dorothea Salo tried. I’m dreadfully stubborn), really gives me pause. I can’t tell you what I’ll be doing next year, whether I’ll run the gauntlet again this fall – all I wanted to do was be given the opportunity to do good work..ultimately to teach (which I miss), to research and write (which I do even now, as I can), and cope with campus politics (which I already spend each day with, now). To finish what I started. I now doubt that my work has anything to do with it. I wish I could be proved wrong. This is not to say I don’t think it was largely the economy (and all of the things that comes from that) that was my real hurdle as an applicant, that I think my file was impeccable (respectable, yes, but no one is perfect. there are a lot of applicants out there with more languages, with topics faculty like more, without children) – I have a good grasp of reality, but the fact that the existance of this blog even came up in this context says volumes to me. Volumes.

How could I have known I should have been paranoid? And how resentful am I, now, that I am paranoid. How dare they?!?

Wasn’t it Groucho Marx who said “I would never join a club that would have me as a member” ??

It was also Groucho who sang “Hello! I must be going. I came to say I cannot stay, I must be going…” If this drives me away from academia…what would I re-name this blog?

I must announce that today my son, 22 months of age, sat on the potty. Our caregiver documented the occasion with her digital camera, but I will refrain from posting it. Colin is very pleased with himself. I have a soft insert that goes on the toilet, so we’re ready to rock and roll.

In a strange coincidence one of the parents’ magazine e-newsletters I occasionally get arrived today with a special mention of potty-training. This video was recommended.

“Who could resist a bear who bellows, ‘You look so suave and debonair in your pair of underwear!'”

Who, indeed.

And this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!

A test. I didn’t remember 9, only got about 2/3 of 7. Otherwise did well – how did you do?

[It’s always a fine day when I can find Teaberry gum, although I admit..I do prefer Beeman’s.]

Hmm. Yeah, but could I do with an M.A. – not a Ph.D.?
I miss teaching. A lot. I have friends who suggest I look at the local community colleges. How about this route? More on that here. Since This Place is my LaBrea Tar Pit, it seems … would a Ph.D. from here not offend them as much as more-than-one-degree-from-the-same-school immediately turns-off the academy?

Ah, yes. The sort of questions one asks a mentor. If I had one here. The boss is a Good Guy, but a lit person (I’m not) and in the UK for another month, anyway. It’s weird asking ‘what now?’ questions with someone who doesn’t particularly want to see me leave the job he counts on me to do – oh I’m certain he’d be straight with me, but it’s damn uncomfortable. Solid, saintly committee member now in NM is far too busy with his faculty and administrative positions there so I hesitate to bother the man even through he’d never tell me to shove off and go bother someone else. Two others left? I fear I get a lot of what they think I want to hear. I am (inconveniently after the fact) uncertain as to their interest in me or in answering my concerns, and some strange comments-veiled-as-questions leave me leaning toward not having them write for me again (the last thing I need is a wild card, much less two), should I set myself up for failure run the gauntlet apply anew. (I can’t rest on my hope that KY will be able to find funds..there needs to be a plan B. plans B-K would be even better) I have an outside reader who has offered to write. That would still make three – and I should be able to get another outside reader/recommender as well. Opinions on this strategy? Anyone?

“It wasn’t him, Charley, it was you. … You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me. … I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. It was you, Charley.”

On schmoozing.

I’m OK at schmoozing. I’m no slick, polished, salesman-style pro at the shake-and-smile routine, but I can be pleasant and social when need be. If around people I don’t know well I tend toward silent observation unless I work at it. Congress is easy (if tiring), since most interactions are brief questions/needs/complaints and I can be lovely and witty and charming for 30-second intervals just fine – it’s the longer periods I struggle with. My friends know me as chatty and enthusiastic (or sarcastic, depending on the situation), but those are people I’m comfortable with. My usual style is the offhand deadpan as I’m leaving the room – this does not translate well into schmoozability.

Moot point, since I’m certainly light years away from the tenure review committee scenario. At least I hope no faculty I’ve ever met with at a school was left with a ‘What a stand-offish sourpuss!’ after meeting with me…I don’t think so, at least. Probably something even more embarrassing, I’d imagine, since I get a bad case of brain shut-down when my nerves are up and jangling. (This is why I appreciate that conference papers are written down and not off-the-cuff. I don’t have to be functional until questions so long as I can read English off of the page.)

[Should I be encouraged that emeritus faculty here, who requested and has read The Thesis From Hell (my partner in library tango – we often recalled the same books from each other, not knowing who had it. Heh), made a point to ask how my plans were shaping up and where I’d be this fall? And, after I had made the brief, unhappy story known suggested I should keep on with it? It must be some sort of curse that people at a variety of institutions who have no control over what committees do with my file love me, but committees apparently don’t.]

Kazakhstan’s largest medieval fortress found in Mangyshlak

Resource:
Institute for the Study of the Book at the University of Erlangen: Database with bibliographic descriptions and illustrations
“The database’s coverage is focused with respect to time and region by the project’s topic: it contains bibliographic data for the seven earliest printing towns in the German language area (Mainz, Bamberg, Strasbourg, Cologne,
Basle, Augsburg, Nuremberg), with a primary focus on early title pages (until ca. 1490). … The database’s explanatory pages are presently in German but will shortly be available in English and Spanish also.”

erg:
Taking medieval reinactment to a whole new level

Geek alert:

A reminder – for those interested and capable, the address for RSS feed is: http://elisabeth.carnell.com/index2/rss

That’s all.

Nursing mom asked to leave: restaurant’s owner sponsored a wet T-shirt contest, but says breast-feeding offends

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world.
When the manager takes his lunch in the shitter, call me.

So appalling I just had to share. Thank me later.