The View From Kalamazoo

So.

Last night we had parent/teacher conferences. I have to admit I was dreading this – it seems like I’ve had too much bad news lately, including periodic calls form school about Emma cussing at other kids on the playground and increasing defiant behavior towards one of her teachers – and I was worried it would too closely resemble the last IEP/assessment meetings which consisted of people in the school laying out, in detail, all the things my kid can’t do at grade level. She’s only 7, she was only diagnosed with ADHD a year and a half ago, and her LDs a couple of months ago, so while at first I could busy myself with diagnosis, the pediatrician and getting the meds started and dosing schedules/dosages slowly worked out this school year I’m having to come to grips more with what’s happening with her educationally and how to deal with it. It’s been very, very emotionally draining for me.

(These compounded by her behavioral issues that are either getting more intense, not resolving, or suddenly appearing – and I’m talking about non-positive expression here, a LOT of non-positive expression and behaviors – usually shrill non-positive expression and behaviors. She’s just been a pill, and it’s been so emotionally and intellectually upsetting to live with such constant conflict. I can’t even read, it’s so distracting, and to say my temper has been on edge for the last 6-8 months isn’t even the half of it.)

That isn’t to say I have a negative bunch of people to work with at her school – her teacher, teacher consultant, principal, and the psychologist (who just joined the school this year) are all very student-centered and good to work with. They clearly want to see her succeed, and I appreciate that. When I came in her teacher, consultant, and the teacher who has been working with her on reading in the afternoons were all there. The afternoon teacher had progress to report! Yay! For so long progress has been very long in coming (even small progress) and was so hard-won they felt like phyrric victories. I’m glad to see some things falling more into place for her, and her self-esteem benefits from each time she realizes she knows the answer!

The best part is that I went in ready to listen to everything and then demand they retain Emma for a year and repeat first grade to give her the time she clearly needs to gain the skills that her ADHD had really prevented her from getting in preschool and kindergarten (hence why she started this year already so very far behind, plus the reading-related LDs). Well, they looked at each other nervously, told me that they don’t make this suggestion lightly, and then asked me to consider thinking about the very thing I had already decided needed to happen! What a relief! And because she isn’t officially in a sped classroom we don’t need a transitional IEP at the end of the year, so none of this needs to go to the sped coordinator at the administration building (who I already knew would be the dragon I would have to fight to make this happen). The teacher had already passed it by the principal, who is all for it, and the only person I will have to contend with is the psychologist. She’ll give me a lot of arguments against retention, cite studies, invoke IDEA etc – but this is my legal right, and I don’t think she’ll give me more than token resistance (because she’s expected to as part of her job as gatekeeper to services the school system doesn’t want to pay for, but children need and have the legal right to receive).

We also discussed the summer, and I described our dismal experience with summer school last year. I’d prefer to put her in some sort of girl scout day camp so she can learn new skills while having fun, hopefully boost her self-esteem and self-confidence, and use some sort of tutoring as education supplementation. They were receptive to my ideas and gave me information on different places to contact. I think this will be a better fit for her, and we’ll have a better result in the end.

I’ve also been busy with mom-of-kid-with-ADHD type stuff. I’ve been attending meetings for our local MACED when the topic is applicable to our situation, same with our local CHADD. I’ve started a 3-Monday run of parenting classes provided free from a local organization called PASS (Parent and Adult Services Program) on communication with kids with LDs/ADHD and working with the schools. It’s all about information, baby. The more info, tricks, tips, etc.. I can get the happier I am – for example, I learned that Emma’s behavioral issues fall mostly into the descriptor explosive child that has been used for a while, which helps me look for more information online and at the bookstore that really targets the stuff we’re dealing with at home. This whole process, starting nearly two years ago, is very much like learning a new language.

ItÂ’s been a couple of weeks since IÂ’ve had much time (or, frankly, much inclination) to do more than just post a few links here and there. So IÂ’m still tremendously frustrated, but wallowing less (that being relative, of course…less than constant is still pretty unpleasant). IÂ’m trying to figure out a way to go to KY without funding this year, anyway, but IÂ’m afraid IÂ’m not coming up with any good solutions (yet. I can still hope, canÂ’t I?)

This morning I send an inquiry to the chairs or graduate coordinators of all the schools that gave my application the hearty heave-ho asking for feedback on my application that I might strengthen it. Saint Louis U. offered to do just that, so I expect a reply from them…whether U MI, U VA, IN U, Northwestern or Notre Dame respond is anyone’s guess – if it was just a matter of funding, or is the sheer number of applicants required a slash-and-burn technique once in committee I’d like to know that so that I might salvage some of my dignity. It’s not a nice thing to sit around and feel like the biggest loser on the planet despite all of the fairly nice things I have on my cv.

I really miss teaching. I have check on the local community college site and will, perhaps, put in an application there for a western civ. course or something. IÂ’d love to part-time here at WMU for the Institute and teach an evening section of Heroes and Villains of the Middle Ages again (I taught it, both solo and as part of a two-part time, for 3 years), but PESz thinks IÂ’ll go insane if he lets me do that in addition to my full-time job here as Cong. CoordÂ….frankly, I may go insane if he doesnÂ’t let me. IÂ’m unhappy IÂ’m still stuck here instead of going on for the Ph.D., IÂ’m unhappy I havenÂ’t taught in several years because of this job, and IÂ’m unhappy IÂ’m not independently wealthy and could go to KY even though they have no funding to offer.

You know, IÂ’ve gotten through school working, having my aid screwed up, raising a family, more working, teaching on top of classes and working, my own major surgeries (yes, plural), my daughterÂ’s major surgery, trips to the hospital with her, an obstructionist advisor and leagues away from optimal thesis processÂ…Good Christ, can we please have a few more walls thrown up I have to get around? I even asked some of my committee members, before I shelled out all that money to apply to Ph.D. programs, if mine was a pity pass (because if anyone would have deserved it God knows I did after all of that horsesh*t… and they assured me, no, it wasnÂ’t) because I didnÂ’t want to waste my time, my money, my emotional energy on a hopeless venture that would end up resulting in a big 0 – and what the heck has this gotten me, anyway? 0. IÂ’ve gotten this far by not quitting in the face of crap that would send others packing, itÂ’s taken me longer than usual, but IÂ’ve not given up because I knew where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. Right now, however, IÂ’m feeling pretty damn defeatist.

Python’s ‘Life of Brian’ to be re-issued!!

ISTC Database – Incunabula Short Title Catalogue

An experimental plague vaccine proved 100 percent effective when tested in a new mouse model for plague infection developed by scientists at Rocky Mountain Laboratories (RML), part of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) of the National Institutes of Health. The scientists developed their model to mimic the natural transmission route of bubonic plague through the bites of infected fleas. The flea-to-mouse model provides a more realistic test setting than previously used methods, enabling a better assessment of a vaccine’s ability to protect against a real-world challenge.

I find myself nodding and chuckling at this one. Must be the mother in me: A new state law in Ohio requires judges to brand convicted drunk drivers with special “scarlet letter” license plates — with red numbers on a yellow background so other motorists will know exactly what they’ve done.

Openings in Leeds’ International Medieval Congress sessions! (too bad I have no hope of scrabbling the money to go overseas!)

Medieval Warm Period in Asia out-performs the Modern Warm Period in terms of both high temperatures and longevity of warmth.

From the Invisible Adjunct, whose final comment is really the icing on the cake:

“Michael Bérubé has an idea for a conference on the conference:

One of these days I want to put together an academic conference that addresses the phenomenon of academic conferences. It will be called ‘The Longer Version,’ and will be distinguished by three features: one, every paper will have a respondent who, instead of waiting for the paper to end, will simply snort, harrumph, and blurt ‘I think not!’ at random moments during the paper. Two, questioners will be required to begin all questions by saying, ‘this is really more of a comment than a question– I wonder if you could say more about X,’ on the condition that X was either unmentioned in or tangential to the paper itself. (Questions must be at least three minutes long.) And three, every speaker will be required to answer these questions by saying, ‘I actually address this question in the longer version of this paper,’ regardless of whether there is a longer version or not. (If the conference proceedings are published, they will consist only of sections of papers that were cut for time during the actual conference.)

I’d like to condition for just one more requirement: for every paper delivered, there should be at least one questioner the substance of whose remarks amount to, ‘That’s all well and good, but why aren’t we talking about my work?”

What didn’t make me laugh: Invisible Adjunct is calling it quits. A shame…a blog I’ll miss a lot. I can’t say anything more than is already being said about this great loss to the greater academic on-line community all over the web… Maybe it’ll be enough to just say that I’m glad I was a regular reader, I’m probably something better for it…

I am 1 for 7 and that acceptance came without an offer of funding.

I currently feel like the biggest pile of dogsh*t on the planet. I’ll end this lest I begin to emote…into my keyboard and short the damn thing out.

A no from Virginia.

A yes from Kentucky, with no funding.

1 to go, but frankly I’m feeling like I’m living under a death sentence.
I’ll never get out of here, never. This city is like the LaBrea tar pits…

I’ve been going to the gym at least twice a week and a cardio for an hour every week but I’m still in plateau hell. Today’s weight: 259. Not unlike the last few weigh-ins: 259.5, 260, 260.5, 259.5…you get the idea.

My kid has Issues with me: she’s announced that whatever I believe she will believe the opposite, just on principle. “If Momma believes in God then I don’t. If Momma doesn’t believe in God, then I do.” This, at 7 years old. It really sucks to have one’s kid hate them before the teenage hormones kick in…

There is just nothing in the way of good news in my life. Congress has hit the I’m-buried-and-would-be-happy-to-be-abducted-by-aliens-just-to-leave-the-office period that won’t freaking end until some time in July; that conference I agreed to give a paper for in June [note to self: might consider getting started on that sometime soon] is run by pirates, so I have to shell out $175 (unless, SLU accepts me with funding, in which case I’ll claim student status and only have to pay $125) for a very small, 3-day affair and there appears to be no cheap housing anywhere (the room block, which might already be full, is $85 a night. Since it’s a conference on esotericism I’ve considered going to the tackle shop, buying a handful of lead weights, and sending them in an envelope with a note that reads “transmute these to gold for my registration fee. thanks.”); oh, and parent-teacher conferences are next week and so beginning the ‘I’d like you to hold my kid back a grade, thanks’ battle and hearing about everything she can’t do at grade-level will be a super uplifting experience. (and I won’t bother to go into anything else…that would just be bitching to hear myself bitch)

I know a lot of people have it a lot worse, but I’m very unhappy right now, and it would be pretty shitty to be consoled by another’s grief and troubles, anyway.

Nibelungenlied manuscripts on display!

(Not that I’ll get to go see them, but still, Most Excellent!)